Over the past month I have had two friends pass away, and although their physical passing hurts, the memories and stories will stick with me forever, and that is where I find solace. One was a close friend that I met through The Centurions, Ario Kiarash and the other was a work friend that I met working through TPD (Tucson Police Department) and AZCOPS (AZ Conference of Police and Sheriffs), Tim Clark. What I didn’t realize was how hard my mental state would take a hit and how “strong” I had to be. I realized at that moment that this is not something to go alone.
I rejoiced in the thought that I didn’t have to go about this grieving process alone and I’d have a buddy to share stories with to remember our friend. It also occurred to me that I have no idea, unless they show it in their posture or face, how my friend was dealing with the loss. In my mind, I was going to act in a way that supported my friend but allowed us our space to grieve, in our way. (read more of M Frame type relationship)
Just like I am sharing my thoughts with you through this article, I chose to be open and spread my love to my friends I shared in the grieving process. I felt the love from my Core Support Group and reciprocated it back. Just like a checking account, you have emotional debits and credits. In times of need, you may debit more than you credit, and in this scenario, some people have more in the bank to give so to speak. In a time of need that my preverbal bank account may be low, I know I’ll be able to call upon my Core Support Group to help.
At Ario’s service, it was standing room only. I was amazed, but not surprised to see how many people loved this man and what he brought to this world, as I did. Ario’s loved ones shared stories for an hour and a half, and everyone filled with love, admiration, sadness, joy and just about every other emotion. Ario lived a full life in 55 years. He made a huge impact on this world and left it in better shape than when he entered into it. Thank you, Ario for teaching me a strong lesson. Even in the afterlife, you’re still making this world a better place. To my friends that are still grieving, I love and support you.
Throughout this process, I learned that my friends, family, and co-workers were loving, caring, and thoughtful. What else could I ask for in a relationship? One friend, in particular, Jim Parks, was very close friends with Tim Clark. I look up to Jim and see him as a father figure. Jim and I are good friends, nay, we treat one another as a family. It was hard to see Jim and his wife Barbara go through this. As an empathetic person, I do not want any of my friends or family going through hard times. One thing I did for them was hug them, let them know that I am here for them and touch base throughout the week via phone and text to show my love. After a difficult day, between Tim’s service and work duties, I was drained. I went to Jim’s house, and we watched Murder on the Orient Express. Good movie, but what was even better, was their company! It was exactly what I needed, and I hope I gave them a little something in return by being present with them in the moment.
There was one afternoon in particular that will stick with me for a long time. Jim called me during work hours to say hello and see how I was doing. We had a brief 10-minute conversation flowing from “how are you” to him sharing some life lessons he learned over the years working as an officer and seeing hardship in spades. This single act shaped the rest of my week, heck, my month. To me, this was a model of the way I will continue to act for others. What is 10 minutes’ worth to you? How about the other person? How about a heartfelt hug and a whisper of I’m here for you?
Be there for your friends and your family! Even if you are not going through a hardship, take 10 minutes today to call someone you care about and let them know that. Give someone you care about a hug and let them know that you appreciate them and care for them. Show people by your actions, back up your words with actions. These actions build credibility with your Core Support Group, whether it is your friends, co-workers or family. If you debit this emotional account, you must be willing to make some credits as well. Read more about Ario and Tim; they are wonderful souls that will live forever in each of us. Time to start living!
With Love,
-Adam Dellos
I am open to suggestions, comments, and you sharing your story. You may direct message me by replying to this email or going to https://www.facebook.com/adam.dellos or https://www.instagram.com/hikingrugger
Have a great day today!
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