I completed my Advanced Course of the Landmark Forum, the 2nd course in the curriculum for living, this last weekend. I discovered that I’ve been inauthentic with you for several years now and I’d like to enroll you in my discovery the best way that I know how, via this article.
I was about seven years old, in 2nd grade and just about to have a birthday party. I was jumping out of my shoes with excitement and couldn’t wait another minute for my friends to show up. My family and I get to Skate Country on the East side of Tucson early and get the party ready. As the time arrives, I noticed how I didn’t recognize anyone’s face; none of my friends were there. Ok ok, I’m sure they’re all fashionably late. An hour goes by and still no one I recognize other than my family and two of my father’s co-workers that came.
Given this is all from memory and stories that I’ve heard over the years, I do not recall many of the details but I do vividly recall the emotional switch that I flipped that day. Similar to any tragic event, no matter the age, details get missed but the emotional state, the smells and the distinct impact of that moment on my life will never be forgotten. At that moment I decided that I needed no one to have fun! From that moment on, my character trait, my winning formula of life, until this last weekend was Independence. I learned over the past 25 years of my life to manage it and even excelled at being independent and needing no one to do anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.
When someone asked a friend of mine to describe me, they’d reply, “He’s one of the most independent people I know.” That is what I mean by my character trait and my winning formula for life. I’ve survived the past 25 years of my life saying I need people, logically knowing I need people but never believing I needed people. It was a vicious circle that persisted in my life, and I had no idea how to “fix it.” That is until I found The Landmark curriculum for living.
The impact I’ve seen in this way of being and saying that I do not need anyone over the past 25 years has been exhausting and unfulfilling. It has led to the separation of many friends, girlfriends, employees and most of all, my family. Everyone thought this was Adam because that is exactly how I identified myself as, Independent. Boy, I was good at being independent. I’ve gone through life surviving with incomplete relationships that last a finite amount of time. People come and go as I’ve been told and believed. I’ve fired employees because of this way of being. I’ve pushed amazing people out of my life. Why? You guessed it; I didn’t need them because Adam was independent.
I’d like to make it clear that none of the preceding words come from a place of guilt or wrongdoing. These are things I’ve done in my life, and through my discovery of my way of being and the impact on others, I now have the power not to do these actions any further. I now have the tools to see my impact in life and what you mean to me, which is everything! My life is my social structure. My life is you.
I am declaring to you my commitment to wanting you in my life and transforming my way of being into a strong man that loves and cares for the people around me. In one of our exercises over this last weekend, we were asked this question, “If you wanted to be any way in life, and there were no reasons or concerns to stand in your way, who would you be and what would be the possibilities out of it?” I came up with this declaration.
“Who I am is the possibility of the day our lives started and possibility.”
I am creating the possibility for me to see you in a new way, every day. To hear you in a new way, every day. As well as to be the creator and recipient of new possibilities in our friendship and connectedness, every day. And that is who I am!
I care about you and what’s important to you. Whether that is being successful, a strong family unit, money, freedom or the ability of self-expression without any reasons or concerns. I ask you to consider looking into Landmark as something you do not need but want. Regardless of your sentiment of Landmark itself, this is my stand; to become and stay connected to the important people in my life, which is you! I am available anytime for calls or emails to say hello or chat in more detail about some of my discoveries.
With Love and Care,
-Adam Dellos
I am open to suggestions, comments, and you sharing your story. You may direct message me by replying to this email or going to https://www.facebook.com/adam.dellos or https://www.instagram.com/hikingrugger
Have a great day today!
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